Komodo vs. Cobra
Two random dudes and one hot girl (Michelle Borth) are running away from a terribly rendered giant Komodo Dragon. The assistant gets improbably eaten by the komodo and as soon as the hot chick and the remaining old man settle down for what i can only assume is the next installment of Naughty America, the old man is gobbled up by a giant Cobra who appears in some CGI water.
A military guy (Rod McCary) sends a few inept military personnel to the island in the dark to bring back some people who we don't care about. One guy is hilariously tongue lashed around his neck and dragged in to the bushes. We later find out that this is a Komodo power, not a snake power. As they call for evac to some people who are apparently ALSO eaten by the Komodo, they are double scooped by the K-Dragon.
A couple convinces the drunken captain of a crappy charter boat (Michel Par-Bad actor) to bring them to an island where they were misinformed animal testing was taking place. They explain about how they really don't like it when people spray perfume in cats eyes. The captain, moved by their devotion to household pets, agrees to take them. Plus the girl is really really hot, and probably a virgin. The closeup on the captains face says it all "I will have her."
The captain brings the group to the island, the group consisting of a needlessly unattractive mid-thirties survivor girl, her cameraman whom we don't even know until he is am-BUSHED by the sssssnake, a scientist with a terrorist beard and what could be his daughter, or sister, or harem girl...These wusses represent some leaf-licking organization called One planet. The captain pulls out his gun, and the tree-humper jock guy gets offended and says the "The only weapon here is that camera." The captain bitch slaps him and laughs while the main dude cries.
They arrive at the doctors home safe and sound, where the food is half eaten. The people who lived were apparently quite fond of grilled cheese sandwiches. The camera guy "Goes for a smoke" and as I stated earlier, looks through some bushes for a sound and is OBVIOUSLY eaten by a snake. That is where they meet "Super Hot Midriff Girl", still alive and gagging to leave the island as soon as possible. She bargains with the captain at gun point and the captain readily agrees to let her come along. The look on his face is one we've seen before.
As they are leaving the house, the random blond gets tripped Jujitsu style by the K-Dragon and eaten. Some guy, who we now find out is her brother is upset. They hide in the lab where some irrelevant plot exposition in the form of cheesy flashbacks takes place. Hot midriff girl is hot. We find out the the animals are supposed to be plants, but that the military like animals better. The military guy in this flashback mentions something about a triple-team or funding for a triple-team, anyways, the old guy who dies in the first scene is totally down.
They eventually decide to get back to the boat. Meanwhile we cut back to some random military guys who say they need to bomb the island. Once they realize theres a civilian craft, they bomb it. Go TEAM! There is some dissention apparently which leads to the end of the movies final unimportant conclusion.
Back to Hot Midriff girl, she is still hot and now they run to the boat. Some of them manage to get to the raft, when they watch incredulously as the fishing boat gets bombed by bad CGI effects and stock military footage. The CGI Snake, appears in the CGI water, and eats the brother and then pops their raft out of spite. He hates humans.
Having no other way home, the dendrophile cries and says "Lets build a raft!" Everyone laughs at him and he cries some more. They decide to head to a helicopter which is apparently on the top of the mountain in the center of the island. The captain can conveniently fly whatever helicopter happens to be there. Their journey is boring, except for when they cross the water and all the girls get wet. Whiny, enviro-loser gets attacked by leeches. They suck.
After miraculously climbing a sheer cliff via screen cut, the group find themselves within a hundred yards of the helicopter which is there, of course. The captain, who has had his gun drawn the whole time, sees the helicopter but not the three story K-Dragon sneaking up through the sparse forest. When hot midriff girl is left alone to guard the sight of the helicopter, the Komodo sneaks up cause he can smell humans or something. She then runs back a hundred yards where everyone is still oblivious to three story monstrosity, K-Dragon, and tells them it is there. She beckons them to come see it for themselves. The only useful purpose for virgin girls boyfriend is realized as he sacrifices himself to be eaten by the snake so the captain can score the three remaining girls. What a wingman.
Back at the random building with the military people, the old guy is told that he is totally boned. The younger guy looks smug. The final shot of the captain with the same old look in his eye but slightly different. It says, "I had them."
